writings

disclaimer : all these writings have been written based off books, friends requests, life experiences, or whatever pops up in my mind.

not my moon	memories of you
You know the saying the sun needs the moon. That's what I thought when I first met you. I realized I was better at a sun without "my moon." You came in, and I became the sun behind the clouds. Our love was like the cold air that killed all the flowers. Our love wasn't what we showed online. Our love was the opposite. One day I'll find the moon to my sun. One day I'll find someone who, no matter what, it's like flowers are always blooming with them. I'll keep being the sun; I need to be.	Messy hair, smared mascara, and you. You get me to this point. I used to care about my appearance, just to catch your eye. Now something else has got your attention, someone else has. You don’t looke me in the eyes anymore, you lost that spark. You don’t make me laugh how you used to. You don’t make me feel anymore. I’m trapped with the memories of you, while you are making memories with someone else.

not my moon

memories of you

You know the saying the sun needs the moon. That's what I thought when I first met you. I realized I was better at a sun without "my moon." You came in, and I became the sun behind the clouds. Our love was like the cold air that killed all the flowers. Our love wasn't what we showed online. Our love was the opposite. One day I'll find the moon to my sun. One day I'll find someone who, no matter what, it's like flowers are always blooming with them. I'll keep being the sun; I need to be.

Messy hair, smared mascara, and you. You get me to this point. I used to care about my appearance, just to catch your eye. Now something else has got your attention, someone else has. You don’t looke me in the eyes anymore, you lost that spark. You don’t make me laugh how you used to. You don’t make me feel anymore. I’m trapped with the memories of you, while you are making memories with someone else.

flowers blooming	made to fall in love
Withered, we were. We were completely withered. We weren't blooming together. We gave up on each other. Now, apart we can be two separate flowers finally blooming. We can be happy and stress-free. We can choose our paths and be glad. I don't wish you any pain or suffering; actually, all I want is love. I hope you find your flower that blooms a perfect love with you.	i fell in love with you like how the leaves fall in autumn. we were made to fall in love. i can't see myself with anyone else. i want you as my lover through every season change. i want us to discover the meaning of love together. i want you to be my favorite song. we were made to fall in love. we were made for each other.

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made to fall in love	cyanide	time is not on our side
i fell in love with you like how the leaves fall in autumn. we were made to fall in love. i can't see myself with anyone else. i want you as my lover through every season change. i want us to discover the meaning of love together. i want you to be my favorite song. we were made to fall in love. we were made for each other.	You are like cyanide. Our love is like cyanide. We like to argue; we want to fight. We like to be together. No one would understand; they would think we are killing each other. If I didn't have you, though, maybe I'd take some actual cyanide.	Time is never on our side. It never was; it never will be. I thought you were my happy ever after. Time after time, I thought I finally met my person. How can I have time on our side if I won't even accept both sides of you? If I don't love the good side and the wrong side of you, maybe I don't deserve time on my side. You aren't a monster; you aren't a bad person. I just want to understand you. I want time on our side for once.

one day	23	socially unacceptable
i don’t know what happened, and I don’t know when it happened. I don’t know why you went distant and I don’t know if we will ever be the same again. I don’t know if our connection will be the same. I don’t know who I’ll text at 2 am when I can’t sleep. I do know that this is what I want though. I just hope that one day we can be okay.	Do you think about me? Do you think about us when that song comes on? I still remember our drink. I still remember when we’d go out and watch the stars. I remember when we were seventeen and lost in each other’s eyes. Now we are twenty-three and two worlds apart.	“Be yourself,” they tell us growing up. What if i don’t know who i am? What if I like this, but it doesn’t fit in with that? What if I can’t get away from something socially unacceptable? “Be yourself,” what they don’t tell you is, no matter what, it’s never acceptable.

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forever	blocked out
“Don’t be like this; I will love you forever?” Forever if it only meant a few years, right? Forever if you didn’t leave during the night with that terrible note. How am I supposed to stay in a place that no longer feels like home? So as I sit here with these pills, I say goodbye to you. My love, I’ll love you forever.	one year ago, i was head over heels. one year later i’m begging you to leave me alone. people have told me, i can’t talk about it. a year of drowning in the memories of you. i want to breathe again. i’ve taken pain killers to try erasing the pain. they wore off. my final attempt, just to block you out.

comfort	curtains
they say you find comfort in anything, which is true. i found comfort in friends. i found comfort in music. i found comfort with my pet. i found comfort in you. slowly though, your comfort died. everything around you, started to die. i didn’t want you anymore, i wanted to be freed from you. the thing is, i can’t be sane without you. take hold on me again, cause we need each other.	i added curtains to my room, they may be your favorite color but you don’t like curtains. i quit watching your favorite baseball team and started going for another team. i changed my hair color because you never liked it dyed. my favorite drink is alcohol because it helps me drink away the pain. i like to pop a pill to escape the thoughts of that day. when you left, did you have to change anything to forget me or had you already been forgetting me?

comfort

curtains

they say you find comfort in anything, which is true. i found comfort in friends. i found comfort in music. i found comfort with my pet. i found comfort in you. slowly though, your comfort died. everything around you, started to die. i didn’t want you anymore, i wanted to be freed from you. the thing is, i can’t be sane without you. take hold on me again, cause we need each other.

i added curtains to my room, they may be your favorite color but you don’t like curtains. i quit watching your favorite baseball team and started going for another team. i changed my hair color because you never liked it dyed. my favorite drink is alcohol because it helps me drink away the pain. i like to pop a pill to escape the thoughts of that day. when you left, did you have to change anything to forget me or had you already been forgetting me?

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three years	window view
three years, three years of loving you. i’ll miss the starbucks run. i’ll miss the date nights. i’ll miss the sunset watching. you were my first kiss. my first love, and now i don’t want to say goodbye. the warmth i felt in your hugs, and the way you always smelt like christmas cookies. the late night calls after you got home from work and the way you held my hand in public. all the things i’ll miss. the most of all, i’ll miss you.	as i look from my window, i realize things will never be the same anymore. you’ll never text me late at night. you’ll never kiss my lips or wrap your arms around my waist. i’ll never lose myself in your presence. i want to heal from it, at the same time, i’d rather take something to erase the pain.

three years

window view

three years, three years of loving you. i’ll miss the starbucks run. i’ll miss the date nights. i’ll miss the sunset watching. you were my first kiss. my first love, and now i don’t want to say goodbye. the warmth i felt in your hugs, and the way you always smelt like christmas cookies. the late night calls after you got home from work and the way you held my hand in public. all the things i’ll miss. the most of all, i’ll miss you.

as i look from my window, i realize things will never be the same anymore. you’ll never text me late at night. you’ll never kiss my lips or wrap your arms around my waist. i’ll never lose myself in your presence. i want to heal from it, at the same time, i’d rather take something to erase the pain.

engraved	do you
engraved with the touch, the smell you always left. burned into my mind the way you would sleep. your favorite coffee order became my favorite order. your favorite snack is now my comfort food. our movie is now the only thing i watched. i changed my bed sheets though, just so i could erase the thought of you leaving me.	so as you lay in the arms of hers tonight, i wonder, does it feel the way it did when we were together? when you saw me today, did everything come flowing back? do you ever think of me like i think of you?

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First love	heartache
You never forget your first love, the rotting memory sits in your memory. The love you have at first is like two puppies. The love at the end is brutal, it's like a rose withering away, slow and sad as you watch the beauty fade. The emotions you have start to fade, the beauty of that love you had starts to fade. The heart starts to ache, and the eyes start to water, you didn't want this. Sometimes though, your first love isn't your true love.	Her heart aches, but you wouldn't know it. You wouldn't know that every time, you compare her and say it's not comparing, it actually is. You wouldn't know that the little things like the calls do matter to her. You wouldn't know that she loves flowers and the thought of recieving them. You wouldn't know that while you are fine, her heartaches for someone to just understand.

First love

heartache

You never forget your first love, the rotting memory sits in your memory. The love you have at first is like two puppies. The love at the end is brutal, it's like a rose withering away, slow and sad as you watch the beauty fade. The emotions you have start to fade, the beauty of that love you had starts to fade. The heart starts to ache, and the eyes start to water, you didn't want this. Sometimes though, your first love isn't your true love.

Her heart aches, but you wouldn't know it. You wouldn't know that every time, you compare her and say it's not comparing, it actually is. You wouldn't know that the little things like the calls do matter to her. You wouldn't know that she loves flowers and the thought of recieving them. You wouldn't know that while you are fine, her heartaches for someone to just understand.

not so charming	go ahead
I have always wanted a love like a Disney Princess love. I always wanted a love where the joy lasted when I saw him. If love is supposed to be like that, why do i feel so empty? if love is supposed to be like that, have i ran into my not so charming prince charming.	the sun rises and the birds chipper the same way you left me to pieces. the sun sets and the place suddenly turns quiet the way it's been since you broke me. the temptations arise and the quiet kills but go ahead and tell everyone it's fine.

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